I recently had to write an essay about a place that has shaped who you are. It reminded me alot of home so I though I'd post it. It's kinda long, but I'm proud of it:)
Just a reminder, that yes people I do miss home!
When I think about home, I automatically imagine the comfort of my heater vent. Now, I know this is a little unconventional, but it is my favorite part of my house. In the living room, on the floor next to the bay window, is where the heater rests. During the cold months, my mother and I will cuddle up on the heater vent, and drape a blanket around us, secluding the warmth just for ourselves. It is here that I have my most in depth, and sometimes the most trivial, conversations with my mother. The conversations range from heartfelt talks about where I want to be in ten years, to the latest high school drama. Here is where our relationship has grown the most. The comfort and warmth that the heat brings also exemplifies those qualities in my mother; her warm smile, open mind, and her willingness to listen to even my most insignificant problems. Sometimes we will just sit in silence, and let the warmth take over our bodies. Other times, while huddling close together, we will discuss the hardships in each other's day, or celebrate the triumphs.
When I think back on my childhood, of course major events will always resonate, but the lasting thing that I will always remember is this heater vent. Ever since I can remember, I have been fighting the cold by sitting on the heater, with a blanket and a cup of chocolate milk. I know it is weird to say, but it is true when I say it; this simple utility device has shaped who I am as a person. Without those long talks with my mom, or even those times where I would sit there and daydream, I would not have ended up the way I am.
One of the most important stories from this heater vent with my mom is after my final cross country race of my senior year. I had stupidly missed the track season in the spring of my junior year due to nagging injuries, and more importantly, a lack of motivation. After a dramatic cross country season in the fall, I was done with running. I had completely sworn off of the sport completely. It wasn't until the end of the track season that I realized I missed the feeling of wind in my hair, and being lost in your own mind while running. My thoughts on the subject? Being away from the competiveness of running made me realize that I needed it more than anything. So I stepped it up, went to every single summer cross country practice, ate right, and even did cross training. I have never worked harder than I did that summer, but it still wasn't enough to be back on varsity. In order to get back on to varsity, I needed to beat one more runner. I missed my chance by 11 seconds. I was absolutely devastated, and didn't know how to deal with this onset of disappointment. I really look back to this time as one of the most difficult times in my life. I guess this means that I haven't had a very tough life, so I am extremely grateful for that, but it still was greatly detrimental to my self esteem and attitude at that time.
I pulled into the driveway after my last cross country meet ever. I had ridden the bus back with my team, the whole time keeping a fake smile on my face. Our varsity team had just taken the region title and everyone was ecstatic. I, however, felt resentful and hurt by the celebrations of my teammates. I realize now that it was a very selfish time for me, but my heart was in a lot of pain. I had the feeling that I should have been on that varsity team, because I had been ever since my freshman year. I had literally pushed myself to the max all season in order to get back on to the team for the State Meet and I barely missed out. So of course I was wallowing in self pity, and you know what? Sometimes I feel like this is allowed, and this moment was my allotted self pity time.
I got out of my car and walked towards the rust colored door of my house, jiggling the handle a bit until finally getting it to open. Trudging up the stairs, I quickly poured a glass of chocolate milk, turned the dial on the thermostat to 72 (I was going to be there awhile), and motioned straight towards the heater vent next to the window. My mom had already positioned the pillows and blankets for me, as if she knew I was going to instantly go seep in the warmth from the heat underneath the blankets. I sat down, sipped my chocolate milk, and let the silent tears stream down my face. I was heartbroken, and it wasn't over a guy this time. Before this moment I thought I had known the feeling of an "achy breaky heart", yes I just quoted a Billy Ray Cyrus song, but boy was I wrong. My whole body throbbed through my tears, I was so upset.
My mom, who had let me have my time alone, came into the room to comfort me. She sat there with me in her arms while I sobbed. She told me that this heartbreak was such a small part of my life, and that it wouldn't matter in a few years. My mother said that as horrible as my life may seem now, I was so strong and this would only make me stronger. She left me with something I will never forget from our conversation: "You will always lose, but you will never lose the lesson." The rest of the conversation is a blur of hugs and tears, but that resonated with me even a year later.
Of course, this is not the one and only conversation that I've ever had with my mother, especially while sitting on the heater. But this exemplifies the best of our relationship. Even when I am at my lowest point, the combination of warmth from my mom's love and friendship, as well as the actual physical warmth from the heater always bring me up.
When I think back to when I was little, my most prominent memories will always be of my time spent by the heater vent. You know the traditions that will get passed along for generations, like the opening up of pajamas on Christmas Eve, and birthday phone calls? Mine will be the tradition of sitting on the heater with my daughter, sharing our stories, good or bad. It is something I cherish from my childhood, and a heater will definitely be an important aspect what I am looking for when picking out a home of my own. It absolutely has to have a heater vent that is on the ground, not on the ceiling!
Leaving home and moving to Missoula this year was a very hard thing for me to do. I have always been extremely rooted with my family in Salt Lake, and I have been homesick for awhile now. I thought of a lot of ways to distract myself when I got here, in order to not be so homesick my entire first semester of college. I got involved on campus, I had a job for a little while, and I joined a sorority.
There was an instant connection between me and the girls in Delta Gamma. Delta Gamma had such a feeling of home and comfort that I felt like I fit as soon as I walked in the door. It's cozy, and has a sophisticated, yet lived in look that I quickly became obsessed with. Everyone makes me feel so welcome and loved. The most amazing thing about the house though, I have to admit, is that there is a heater vent on third floor. I have spent so much time here already, it is almost as if I chose Delta Gamma for its heater vent, and that alone, and maybe I did. I am a strong believer in fate, and therefore I feel as if I was meant to be in this house. The heater vent is my comfort spot, and now whenever I have a rough time in college, I can continue my tradition of sitting on the heater vent. Only this time, I will be building relationships with my sisters and lifelong friends. These friendships will flourish through the warmth that the heater provides, as well as the warmth of love and friendship that these ladies have already shown me.
I know that I will have amazing closeness with these ladies throughout the rest of my life, just like I do with my mother. I'm not going to give all the credit to a simple utility device. However, it does deserve a little recognition, because it has and will provide the background for my most cherished relationships.
